The forgotten snow dust…

Past me, I envy you.

Why should I care?
You’re not in the world I really care about.
If it’s not because of them, you’ll never really appear in my eyes, nor I will be here in this hatred.

Why should I care when no one really care about me? I’m not even sure if I’m really visible in their sight, especially when they’re not needing anything.
I just want to be at peace with myself, with my tiny little world. I don’t want any outsider. I don’t mind losing my mind to pay for it, a world without outsider. A world of MY peace. I hate outsider.

Call me an egoist.
I only wish for A wish.
A wish that will NEVER come true.
Yet I still pray. I still believe.

It’s only live in my dream so far.
I was a someone who can’t really find the difference between dream and reality.
I am not anymore, and I regret it.
I want to go back. Bring me back the illusion.

Bring me back. Bring me back.

I don’t even have to think to write.
My hands do that on themselves, trying to express tear without tears.
The only one I needed to rely on was only I, my, and me.
Now, why not? Why was it changed?

Past me, I envy you.
Why should you go?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you let the euphoria go?
Why did you change?
Why should I be me?
Why can’t I be you?

Past me, I envy you.
You and your carelessness. You and your independent self. You and your love to the dark. You and your commitment issues. You and your allergy to romance. You and your distrust. You and your happy tiny world. You and those who revolve around you. You and your lies. You and your truth. You and your darkest secret. You and your silent cry. You and your loud laughter. You and your sight of future. You and your other you. You and your only self.

“I won’t let you go to the surface,” you said. But why did you?
Bring me back there. I don’t want to be here.
Why did you betray me?

Past me, what have I done?
Past me, where are you?
Past me, I envy you.


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