The forgotten snow dust…


Kenapa Mencariku Jika Sedang Butuh Saja?

“kenapa mencariku jika sedang butuh saja? kenapa tidak mencariku karena kau ingin bertemu? :]”

“bukankah dirimu saja sudah menjadi alasan untuk bertemu? kenapa harus menunggu kalau butuh? apa artinya aku bagimu, hm?”

“mengapa jika aku yang mencarimu kau selalu pergi meninggalkanku? aku apa dimatamu? alat? mainan? apa? jawab.”

“well, it’s hurt that i’m so unwanted, rly. but still, i must be strong; it’s just human. God never forget me :3a”

–MBEP, 2008–


A Perfect Someone

There’a a whole other reason of why one shouldn’t seek a perfect person as a lover.
It’s not that the perfect someone is not exist.
They’re exist. They’re all around.
One of them might just be next to you.

Everyone is special, they lied.
Commonly special, they said.
Without any sign of boredom, more and more fakes to add.
A white, happy, fun, supporting lie will never hurt anyone, right?

What else can you give to a someone who already have everything?
Nor that they’re asking you for it, a gift or something.
It’s just a natural urge to reply after you’re given a thing.
Yet you have nothing to offer, it feels so alarming.

What should i do with this gap?
It can’t be filled with only a tap.
Slowly but sure, they come to your lap.
Inviting you to the core, taking a long long nap.

“How are you?” They smiled.
“It’s been a while,” you cringed.
“Come with us,” they invited.
“I don’t want to,” you begged.
“Don’t be shy,” they dragged.
“I want to be here,” you cried.
“Who else want you to be here?” They frowned.
“Your perfect someone? Have you done sanity check?” They giggled.
“Noonenoonenoonenoonenoonenoone noonenoonenoonenoonenooneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNoOneNOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONENOONE,” they muttered.
“It’s okay,” they caressed.
“Everything’s gonna be alright,” they kissed.
“We have everything prepared for you,” they announced.
“You’re going to love it here,” they laughed.
“See? We’ve prepared every NOTHINGness we could find for you!” They shouted.
“Don’t you feel happy? Don’t you feel overwhelmed?” They hugged.
“Aww, you even shed a tear of joy!” They mocked.
“It’s far, far better than living up there, right?” They winked.
“Don’t worry. Good news is, you’ll never have to leave!” They cheered.
“We’ll ALWAYS be with you,” they whispered.
“We’ll be together, FOREVER,” they smirked.


The Root

Don’t fly too high.
Don’t fly too high.
Don’t fly too high.
Don’t fly too high.

Don’t you ever dare to fly too high.
Don’t you ever dare to fly too high.
Don’t you ever dare to fly too high.
Don’t you ever dare to fly too high.

It’s not your place, nor that you have any wing.
You won’t reach anything with that tiny hands of yours, fatass slimey creature.
It’ll just hurt you, you fcking know it. You know it more than anyone else.

How can you be that desperate? Are you even alive?
Masochistic little biach, now what are you gonna do?
Just sit there and do nothing? Are you fcking kidding me?
You useless shet.

How does it feel? Now tell me how does it feel? TELL ME!
Have you ever know this before? HAVE. YOU. EVER. FEEL. THIS. BEFORE?
Why do anyone accept you anyway? What the fack? Really? Seriously?
You don’t even have the basic instinct to live!

What did you think you’re doing? Barging in front of the mortar like that.
Huh? You wanna die that badly? THEN GO GRAB A FCKING PESTICIDE, COWARD.
What with that tears? You want me to pity you?

It’s your fault. It’s all your fault.
We’re gonna crash again and it’s all your fault!
Don’t you know how much I’ve done to bring us here? To keep us survive?
Why do you always do this foolish things and drag us down with you?

If you wana die so bad, THEN JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
Don’t bring us with you. Who do you think we are? We’re hellishly alive, unlike a living corpse like you.
Really? Seriously? You expect yourself to fly only with that  tiny shetty itty bitty wish of yours?
Who the fack do you think you are? A first lady? Blergh.

Now, now. How about you let me help you a bit.
The rule is easy. I’ll give you something, all you need to do is LOOK at it.
Ready? I’ll get you the gift.
Close your eyes, please.
Remember, no peeking!

Here! Your gift! Yaaaay!
Open it now! Go go go! You can do it.
Have a difficulty opening it? Let me get a scis- Oh, you’ve made it.
You just have to do the rule! Go ahead!

Yes, it’s fcking mirror.



Protected: Just a Peasant

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Queen’s Call.

My queen asks me if I can meet her. In real life.
What should I do?

I want to be with her for sure, yet real life never really likes me, nor that I fond of it that much.
What if she’s disgusted seeing me and decided to stay away. No virtual meeting, no chat, not even a glimps of sight.
What if I can’t keep up the conversation, what if I’m too afraid to speak?
What if her friends dislikes me, what if I’m too humble for my beloved empress?

I want to be with her. I really do.
But I’m really afraid.
I don’t want to lose her.
I don’t want her to leave.
I don’t want her to be dissapointed in me.

My dear queen, what should I do?
Real life will kill me like it always does.
I’d really love to accept your call.
But what if it’s the real ‘last time’ for us at all?

Awaken(?) from a Dream

When you find something way too good to be true, check, double-check, triple-check it.
It might be just a dream. Something you unconsciously make when you’re resting.
No matter how hard you wish it to be ‘real’, it’ll never be.
But it’s okay, people need illusion anyway. Just don’t get to attached to it.

It hurts.

A lot.

It just happened to me, right here, right now. When this exact letter is being typed.

I always forget that dream is just merely a fake happiness when I’m in it. Something I make to convince myself that there’s still things worth to hang on for.

But yah, I ALWAYS forget.

And I’m now drowning in it.



What do I actually want?

Give me affection, as much as possible. I need it all.
Leave me alone. I need a space to  take a breath.
I’m bored. I need something to do.
Why do you even ask me to do that? It’s way too troublesome.
Don’t get too close to me! We’re just met!
Why do you make a gap like that? I want to know you more.
I don’t wanna care anymore. Just let them get it.
How can they get it but I don’t?! It’s unfair!
That is sooo coool! I need to get it ASAP!
Why did I spend anything for this junk?
I belong here, I’ll make friend with everyone!
I have no friend.
I won’t mind spending eternity doing this.
Why do I even alive?