I should’ve not started it, not even thinking about it
Why did I fall to that trap?
Why am I still so stupid?
Fooled by that illussion of warmth
That’s not it. Not even close.
There’s no such thing
It’s all a lie.
A big, gigantic lie.
I’m not needed. Not even close.
Who even want me anyway?
I can be easily replaced.
It’ll just be the same anyway.
Why did I take that path?
The one leading to doom.
It was all covered in fake sweet smiles.
Why did I even fall into it?
It’s now too far to go back.
Can I please just stab myself and leave?
I wake up as always, lazily open my eyes.
Let’s think about the free fall!
I overslept. What a dumb me.
How it’d be fun, just feel the wind rushing you all.
You don’t deserve to live, dumb me.
And don’t forget when you reach the ground.
Why don’t you just die? Or don’t be born at all
Splattered all over, a feast for the hounds.
I’d love to.
I’d love to.
And then I get up, up to the bathroom.
Oh, look. The shelves will be broken, hit me in the head.
Washing my face, look at the mirror.
I will look really good, not anymore need that head.
Go get my breakfast, pick up some meals.
How will it kill me? Only unhealthy food that will corrupt me slowly?
I sip my drink, a nice cup of milk.
Or will it be poisoning? Like I always read.
I walk back to my empty room, wearing up some clothes.
Someone is here, ready to kill.
Put things in my bag, heavy as hell.
He put something in my bag. Or maybe just stab me, I don’t need to beg.
I get out of my house, saying goodbye.
Or maybe he’ll take his chance by now? When the guard is low.
I open the gate and start walking by.
Does he hides behind those car? Ready to get me when I don’t care?
I walk into the bus, searching for a comfortable seat.
Will it crash? Hope I’d be pretty crushed.
I look at the other people sharing the bus.
Will they rob me? And afterward, kill me?
And quickly jump out when I arrived.
The motorcycle will run into me, it will.
I cross the street.
Or that truck will also do well.
Boring day at the class, shitty tasks and mates.
A group of terrorist will come in, take over the class.
I act a good girl, happily chat and write.
Then I’d be a hero, sacrificing myself dead for other’s safety.
Classes goes by, but the heaviness will still stay.
Or a ghost messed up the class, kills everyone in glance.
It’s not yet a go home time, bored as fuck.
Or I’m possessed. Have my body taken over.
What time is it? I’ve started to freak out.
Or maybe I’ll break a seal or something.
I’ve been too long outside. Around creatures I hate the most.
And then they start lurking. Haunting and hunting.
It’s finally time to go out, I run away as fast as I can.
Then they will find me welcoming them.
I feel so suffocated.
And they follow me everywhere.
I grab myself some treat, a nice warm tea, calming my nerves.
They‘re the one making it warm. I ordered the iced tea.
Then I walk home, catch bus and walk.
They‘re around me. They want ‘me‘
Get in the house, then free fall to the bed.
They floats around, giving chills.
I close my eyes, I can see them.
They want me to give up.
But I’ve already given up.
I open my eyes, they’re gone again.
Heavily sigh. I want them around.
I’ll give everything, literally everything, I have.
Don’t go away. Be around me.
Take me. Paralyze me. Devour me.
Please don’t go
I have nobody else.
Tell me about the snow
All I know are only the white and glow
It’s not something I really know
I eager to learn, yet I don’t know how
I imagine a colorless plain ’til the end of view
For me, winter is something new
I imagine the snowman, snow angel, and slide
Don’t forget the cold and the tree of white
A sip of warm drink, heat from the fireplace
I’m only able to think, at least in this place
How the winter really is? It’d be a surprise
Since I’m only here, in a tropical palace
~is originally for a contest. It’d be a waste to just throw it away~
Stop ticking, time!
I’ll give you any dime.
Don’t leave me!
Accompany me ’til you’re mine!
Unclear future, such a vulture.
Do you really expect me to survive?
Bright culture, not tainted with sulfur.
Don’t you remember I was only five?
Present is a gift, filled with poison.
Just pursue it a bit, and you’ll know the reason.
Past is a curse, a never ending mourn.
Try being in its course, and you’ll never return.
And future? What will it holds?
A fragile structure, far from what I’m told.
Stop ticking, time!
Cover me with your grime.
Bind me with your vine.
Be with me ’til you’re mine!
I want the solitude, to be understood.
Where is the peace? The long lasting mood.
If I try piece by piece, can it do any good?
If I act nice, will I have loads of loot?
Delusion, fills me with poison.
Aggression, don’t want to reason.
How about not pushing me away from the mourn?
Since you know I will always return.
It’s my own burden, not yours to be held.
The only sound in my mind, and I will never tell.
Stop ticking, time!
JUST STOP, PLEASE STOP!
DON’T TORTURE ME MORE! STOP!
I live with lies. Lies make me live.
It’s been my shield. It’s been my sword.
The charm that never means any harm.
It’s been my face. It’s been my ace.
The chime that has always been ringing around my crime.
A thought to leave it behind sometimes come to mind.
A life with no lie, doesn’t that sound nice?
A life with justice, lightly walking in the path of light.
Seems like the right one to be done.
But that’s not my way, and never will.
Truth is a curse, a pain in the arse.
There’s no way I’ll live without my shield, who has always been my guide.
There’s no way I’ll live without my sword, who has always been my lead.
How can I change my face? As it always be like this in every case.
How can I let go my ace? A tough porcelain doll without any lace.
I don’t belong in the land of truth. Bringing only pain to my useless youth.
It never cease to make me hurt, as if I can’t feel any piercing in the heart.
Suffocate me ’til I numb, yell at me for being dumb.
For you can never force me back, away from the world of black.
I’ve live long enough with it. The two of us, enduring pain.
Expecting me to leave it will only result in vain.
It’s been my sword. It’s been my shield. It’s been everything I need.
It’s been my ace. It’s been my face. It’s been my only chance.
The moment I let it go will be a moment full of crow.
The moment I let it go, I’ll never see anymore glow.
Oh dear queen of night, please feed me with your joyous lies.
As the ugly truth never cease to hurt me deep,
And I have no one to rely on without you lurking in my dreams.
Oh dear queen of night, just embrace me with your glorious illusions.
As loneliness is the thing I fear the most,
And friend is just another word with an end.
Oh dear spirit of rain, please accompany me with your thousands blades.
As your painful drops always feel much better than this opening wounds,
And it will be hurt even more to let these tears falling down.
Oh dear spirit of rain, hug me with your veil of cold wind.
As you see me dance with the pouring toxic,
And these limbs of mine don’t even want to feel anymore.
Oh dear lord of mind, please keep on making me delusions.
As here I am, suffocating in my narrow world,
And life is just another grief to cry for.
PerHatikan bagaimana udara merajut diri menjadi jalinan suAra.
PerhatikaN betapa suara dapat menYalurkan rasa.
Perhatikan begitu rAsa mengirimkan makna.